The dilemma of raising children in Brazil

Write on the board the word MORALS
They stole the chalk, teacher!

I'm a little behind, but this article was circulating Facebook a while back:

http://veja.abril.com.br/noticia/educacao/o-dilema-da-criacao-dos-filhos-a-etica-compensa

Now I can't say I've "studied" the article, nor that my quick scan of it has allowed me to fully understand the depth of the issue.  But I can say that I think I get the main idea, which is that Brazilian parents face a significant challenge while trying to raise their children.  Parents want to (and have the responsibility to) teach their children values, but they are doing so within a country where the "Lei de Gerson" (take advantage of everything and everyone whenever you can).  Essentially, those of us living in Brazil know that you really have to be looking out for number one here, because it really is a dog-eat-dog world.  The expectation is that others will take advantage of you.  They will take your son's stuffed animal one minute after it falls out of his bedroom window (true story, unfortunately).  Salespeople will over charge you for inferior products.  Those trying to buy a car will try to falsify documents (hence, the elaborate laws around verification and the existence of Cartorios).   They will throw trash in front of your apartment.  Elected officials steal money without shame.  Now, I realize that I'm speaking in generalizations, and there are exceptions, and there are many, many Brazilian citizens who are making the hard choices to be think of others before thinking of themselves.  But the article interviews parents who are afraid that if they teach their children morals, if they teach their children to obey laws, to follow the rules, to be honest, that their children will fall behind.  Parents fear that their children will be taken advantage of if they don't learn how to operate within the reality of the society.  So which is better, to uphold a higher morality, or to teach your children to be shrewd and successful within a culture of corruption?

As a foreigner with children, and as a teacher working in a school, I find this a particularly interesting challenge, and a cultural issue.  I'm not trying to make a value judgement here (I could, but I will avoid).  But I think that we face a difficult situation.  I want my children to grow up to be honest, responsible citizens who care for those around them.  And yet, we live in a culture where we are daily faced with a multitude of examples of dishonesty, irresponsibility, and a total lack of respect for others. How do I reconcile this?

And apparently the "levar vantagem" (take advantage of) came from this:

I got 3 packages in the mail!

Image:  http://atarde.uol.com.br/bahia/materias/1455694-correios-mantem-atividades-com-apenas-40-dos-funcionarios

What an exciting week!  We don't get much in the mail here.  In the US there were days that I could hardly get my mail out of the mail box because it was so jammed full of flyers, grocery store advertisements, bills, magazines, and whatever else.  Here, we get next to nothing.  We might get a bill once a week at the beginning of the month (when the bills are due), but that's it.  So you can imagine my excitement about receiving 3 packages in the mail this week!

1.  Replacement battery.  My cell phone battery started acting up in January.  My phone would power down and refuse to turn on, and would go from having 50% power to nothing all of the sudden.  When I lived in the states, I probably would have just gone to Verizon and requested an upgrade to a new phone.  Or better, I never would have been in that situation because I would have already received a new upgraded phone on the one year anniversary of my contract.  But in Brazil, we repair and get new parts, and the earth thanks us.  Unfortunately, my phone is not a super popular model here, and I was told that I could not find a replacement battery in Brazil.  Bummer.  I decided to try shopping online, even considering having a battery shipped to the US and then delivered to Brazil by a visitor.  But then I found the website batteryupgrade.com.  I found my battery (or at least a Chinese version), and I could pay in Reais, and reviewers said that they had indeed received batteries in Brazil.  I ordered on January 31st, and it arrived March 25th.  They ship it as a gift (from Singapore), so that is how (I think) I was able to get it without paying taxes.  Plus it was valued under R$30. Yay!

2.  Replacement end cap for our AeroPress coffee maker.  This little coffee device is amazing.  It's fairy inexpensive, small, and can make even bad coffee taste decent.  But unfortunately we lost the end cap.  I think it accidentally got thrown away with the used grounds.  I had a friend who was willing to bring me one from the US, but since the part is shipped from Canada it wouldn't make it to Arizona by the time this friend was returning to Brazil.  I called the company, and a very friendly man named Dave assured me that they had successfully shipped to Brazil, and it would probably come in 6 to 8 weeks.  And it did!

3.  Package from my parents with birthday presents!!!  This is the best by far.  My mom has learned how to send packages:  indicate that the value is less than $50 USD, and write things like books on the content list.  I almost cried when the mail man brought it.  

So why is this such a big deal?  I have heard many stories about expats who have not received packages, or who have had to pay exorbitant taxes to get their stuff.  So it's seems like a gamble to have things shipped to Brazil.  With the first 2 items, I was desperate, so I figured it was worth it.  If the items didn't come, I'd be out about R$50, but it was worth the risk.  Thankfully, the risk paid off. And (knock on wood) we've actually received almost all of the items I've had shipped.  The only thing I never received was a book I ordered within Brazil, and that was during our first year, and I just gave up trying to talk to someone at the company to get it or get my money back (chalk that one up to bad Portuguese).  What about you?  Do you have any stories about receiving packages?

Cooking from scratch

I have been in the kitchen all weekend!  Mostly this is by choice, but it also has to do with the fact that convenience foods ( i.e. frozen prepared meals, canned soups, good cake mixes) are a little harder to come by.  You can find canned beans (as in black beans) and various options of prepared items, but in my experience they are not always very good tasting, or they are loaded with MSG and nasty conservatives (which is also true in the US) but mainly they are just more expensive.  Although it is changing and becoming more expensive, there is still the option of hiring domestic help that cook for you from scratch.  Or you just eat out.

But I am not normal, neither in the US nor here in Brazil.  I like cooking and baking, and I like my family to eat healthy, home cooked meals.  But sometimes it gets a little crazy.  Like this weekend.

Friday night:  the husband went to bed early, so I made Overnight Coffee cake.  Very yummy, but too much sugar for my liking.  The kids ate it with homemade yogurt that I had made 2 nights earlier.

Saturday:  the plan was leftovers, but Bea's vegetarian friend came over, so ended up making fried eggs, farofa, and limeade in addition to reheating beans and rice.  We just had sandwiches for dinner. At night I made Yeast Waffles (I add 1/2 teaspoon of cinnamon) for the next morning.  Oh, and I should mention at the hubby made vanilla ice cream to go with a "failed" batch of Chocolate chip cookies that he had made.  The idea is to use the "bad" dough to make a pizookie.  Yum.

Sunday:  there was leftover whipping cream from the ice cream recipe, so I made a strawberry sauce  and whipped cream for the waffles.  I made baked chicken (without the sauce), pasta, and a white sauce for lunch, and served salad with homemade dressing.  (Well, I cheated on the homemade dressing.  It's Hidden Valley Ranch packets mixed with mayo and milk.  But I had to mix it!)  I currently have split pea soup cooking.  

Few!  Now I need a weekend from my weekend.  Thankfully Irene, out helper, comes 3 times a week to help with meals and clean up!

Here's a list of other things I make from scratch on a regular basis:
salsa
pancakes
enchilada sauce
chicken noodle soup
pasta sauce (the husband does this one)
oat bread (the husband does this one too)
snacks for school (muffins, cornbread, etcetera)
taco seasoning (for ground beef)
maple syrup (imitation)
juice (squeezing oranges, watermelon, pineapple)

Anything else you fellow expat readers make?  It can be Brazilian or other....let me know!

Loteria

 

Oops.  I forgot to pay a bill before it was due.  Usually we pay all our bills online, through our bank. We either get an email boleto (bill) or a boleto in the mail.  Then we go online, and enter the code (which contains something like 30 numbers), check the amount, click and it's paid!

But when you don't pay on time, things get more complicated.  You either have to go to the bank that holds the account and wait in line for what seems like FOREVER.  Or sometimes you have the option of paying the bill at a Loteria or "Lottery."  You can buy tickets for any of the thousands and thousands of various drawings, contests, card games, etcetera.  And, you can also pay bills there.  I remember asking my first English student here about the loterias:  what were they?  Why were there always HUGE lines outside of them?  She had never been in one before, so she didn't give me much information.  But what I've gathered is that it's mainly a place to buy your lottery tickets, and a service for those who don't have the resources to have a bank accounts (i.e. the poor).  If you need to pay something in cash, you can go, pay, and get the ever important receipt.  Note:  always save your receipts for things like gas, rent, HOA bill, etcetera, because you'll need to show those receipts to the rental agency when you move out of the apartment to confirm that you've paid everything.  Even though you already email them the receipt every month, and sometimes you send them a physical copy, they STILL need to see the original receipts.  Arg.

But anyway, I had to go pay my bill.  As with most things new that I have to do here in Brazil, I was nervous.  How long would I have to spend in line?  Did I have the right documents?  Did I have to have the amount in exact change?  I'm glad to say that it was easy:  my wait was about 5 minutes, I simply gave the bill, the teller calculated the late fee, I paid and didn't need exact change, got my receipt and was on my way! 

I'm still not sure where there are so often HUGE lines of people waiting outside the loterias.  Maybe it has to do when there is a big drawing?  An important soccer game?  The alignment of the stars?  Seriously, sometimes things like that seem controlled by such random factors.  But I also think that many Brazilians just have a lot more patience and tolerance for waiting.  We Americans are an impatient bunch, and we want to take care of business as quickly and as conveniently as possible.  And maybe that wait in line provides people with the opportunity to pick the winning numbers, dream about how they might use their winnings, or come to terms with the amount of money they will have to pay on their bills. 

Brazilian (?) Finger Snap

Over our nice Sunday lunch of leftovers (gasp!  So NOT Brazilian...), we started talking about the Brazilian Finger Snap:



None of us can do it.  What does it mean?  My husband said he thinks it's just for emphasis.  But I think it's more to indicate that someone had to hurry (used when someone is telling a story, and they get to the party where the said person had to move fast or work hard), or indicating something was hard, someone had to work hard, etcetera.  I don't know if I would say this is a uniquely "Brazilian" trait, because I had a friend from Argentina who would do this ALL THE TIME.  But I thought I'd share this because it is a quirky little cultural thing that I encounter every day.  And maybe some day I'll learn how to do it...

...And how I've not become Brazilian

I  have changed.  And there are many things that I just haven't been able to do, and I'm not sure if I will ever really be able to accomplish.  I'm not saying that doing things of my list below "makes" someone Brazilian.  Nor am I saying that all Brazilians exhibit these kinds of behaviors.  But I speaking to my personal experience, and reflecting on situations when I realize that I do not "belong" here.  And with that, here's how I've not changed:

1.  I don't do my nails.  I would get pedicures in the states every once in a while, but I've never been a fingernail person.  I play guitar, I garden, I get my hands dirty.  I'm more of a person that sees my hands/fingers as a tool, and not a thing of beauty.  And I've been accused of having Fred Flinstone feet, and there isn't really much you can do to doll these stubby things up.

But I have to admit I was kind of excited before moving here about the idea of going to the local salon and getting pampered.  And then we moved here, and reality set in.  I realized that I'd have to hire someone to watch my kids so I could go and do that.  My husband offered one time, and I went and got a pedicure and a manicure.  And it hurt.  Really, REALLY bad!  They really dug into my cuticles and cleaned things up.  Ouch.  I know that many women believe that experiencing pain is just part of being beautiful, but I'm not one of them.

2.  I don't get things delivered.  I have never asked the bakery down the street (or our favorite bakery for that matter) to deliver bread.  I've never asked the grocery store or sacalão (fruit/veggie market) to deliver my order.  And I haven't even ordered pizza here (friends have come over and done it).  Part of it is that I'm cheap.  Part of it is that I (still) get nervous about making phone calls in Portuguese, especially those regarding specific instructions and time and money (numbers are hard).  And I think the biggest part of it is the American part of me that wants to do it myself and do it my way.  Or maybe that is just the Shelley party of me....

3.  I don't visit beauty salons nor have I had work done.  I have never had any of the following:  peeling, escova inteligente (I think this is the same things as a Brazilian blow out), laser, eyelash extensions, drenagem linfático (intense massage to rid your body of impurities), lightening, etcetera etcetera.  Getting pretty is big business in Brazil.  Heck, it's big business around the world.  But my informal survey of local business indicates that beauty salons and places to get beautified far outnumber bakeries.  Maybe that's why people in Brazil are thinner--there's more opportunity to get done up than to eat.

4.  I don't have my children's birthday parties at a "party place."  Renting a salão de festas will run you at least R$2000, and that's for a very basic party.  And in my experience, birthday parties at these kind of places really aren't about the kids.  They tend to be more about the parents and their ability to throw a great party.  It's kind of a status thing.  Because I'm not Brazilian, I just don't get how the status game works, and I know that even if I tried to pretend I was wealthy and had social graces oozing out of me it would come across as the "cold" American I am.  So we'll stick with sleep overs, family parties and snacks at school.

5.  I don't watch novelas (soap operas).  I'm not a big fan of TV.  I watch it because my husband likes it, but I can find many other things that I'd rather do.  I know that I'm missing out on a part of Brazilian culture, and an opportunity to practice my Portuguese.  But I just can't make myself do it.

6.  I don't know how to bargain.  I pay my fair share of the gringo tax.  We had dinner with some friends a few weeks back, and they were talking about just how good Mineira women are at bargaining.  She's married to an American, and she often will be at the store trying to buy something and she will send her husband away because she doesn't want to pay more because the American is in the room.  I sometimes will try, but even then I don't have the patience, finesse nor ability to form any kind of nuanced conversation ("me pay less, yes? This price too high, I find store there and it be less...").  I've just resigned myself to being taken advantage of.

7. I don't throw trash on the ground.  I carry around my candy wrappers, used kleenex, and I've walked blocks carrying an empty soda bottle until I find a trash can.  In our neighborhood, there are many "designated" places for trash (tree stumps, the base of a power pole, the little bit of grass that surrounds some plants).  But to me, it just looks like the ground.  I've caught my kids throwing trash on the ground, and I always make them go back and pick it up.  Just because everyone else is doing it doesn't mean that we are going to do it.

8.  I don't follow soccer.  I thought that when I lived here, I'd actually watch soccer games, and pay attention to what is happening with the number one sport in the whole entire world.  In our old apartment, I had the pleasure of hearing our neighbors have shouting matches before, during and after games (which I have learned take place on Wednesday and Sunday nights, and sometimes other days...).  But now I'm just oblivious.  I know who the two teams are in Belo Horizonte, and every once in a while I hear who has won or who is playing.  But for the most part, I'm absolutely clueless.  I still would like to go to a live soccer game someday, but there's this thing called the World Cup and there's this crazy situation with all the stadiums being built/remodeled...

9.  I don't let someone else do it.  A lot of Brazilian working moms take advantage of the opportunities that exist here to let someone else help you out.  It makes sense to me.  If you are working full time, how can you have time to go grocery shopping and cook for your family?  How do you have time to do all the laundry?  To help kids with their homework and take them to their school events?  Where's the time to take little João to soccer practice, and Maria Clara Julia to ballet class?  And also take care of yourself (see #1 and #3)?  Most women with the means hire help for the house, nannies, drivers to take their kids to school/music lessons, buy the kids snacks through the schools (that hire bakeries to make deliver healthy fried snacks, cookies and sugary juices....real healthy...) and eat out (or do #2).  I have a great job, that allows me to work mostly part-time, and work while  my kids are in school.  That means that I can be with them, go pick out my own fruit and vegetables at the store, cook for them, and make things like homemade cornbread, apple muffins and  bread for their school snacks.  And I wash their clothes myself.  And I want to do this.  I like it.  I think it's part of who I am (kind of earth mama, granola mommy) and it's that darn American guilt about having someone else do the work that I should be able to do because I should be able to do it all because I'm superwoman independence. 

10.  I don't do Brazilian clothes.  First of all, I'm cheap.  Secondly, I'm cheap.  And thirdly, I can stock up on good quality used and new clothes on trips to the US.  I've bought some clothes here, for myself and for my kids.  But I have such a hard time paying so much money, and for things that unfortunately don't last very long.  As a result, we don't look very Brazilian and we're not always very fashionable.  But then again, Brazilian fashion is different.  I will say that I've become a little bolder in my tastes since moving here, but I still don't think I can pull of heels, blouses with only one sleeve, jumpsuits, and backless shirts. 

How I've become Brazilian

Moving to another country requires adapting.  I was thinking the other day about how I've changed since moving here, and I thought I'd share about some of the ways that I've become "Brazilian" in the past 2 years.

1.  I don't feel like lunch (the main meal of the day) is complete without beans and rice.  I really like almoço.  I like to eat a big meal in the middle of the day.  It feels healthier to me, and I've grown to really, really like my beans and rice.

2.  I don't have a problem any more with motorcycles whizzing past me while driving.  And I have no problem crowding the other cars out as I "merge" at the stoplight.  Or create my own lane at the stop light.  I have no problem with that.

3.  I buy pão de sal every day at the bakery.  We eat these little crusty rolls for breakfast, as a snack, or with hotdogs or sandwiches for "dinner."  They are a staple in our household.

4.  I've learned to be more relaxed with time.  We left our house 15 minutes after the birthday party started (the one I mentioned last post).  We arrived 45 minutes after it started, and WE WERE NOT THE FIRST ONES THERE!   I think that was a first for me!

5.  I scrubbed my daughter's flip-flops before she went to her (Brazilian) friend's house the other day.  Why?  a) Clean shoes/feet/socks/flip flops are just assumed here.  b) It's "wrong" to let a child go barefoot inside, because walking barefoot on the tile will give them a cold.

6.  I socialized with the personal banker today.  I've learned that it's way too American to just jump right to the point of your meeting.  So often I'm internally freaking out prior to an interaction, trying to think about how to say basic things in Portuguese, and I get nervous and just try to say what I want right away.  But I'm' gradually learning that you have to ease into these things.  First, I need to ask about the family.  How is your child?  It's a girl right?  How is she?  How is school?  And how was your vacation?  And the weather?  And of course, the other person is going to ask you about your husband's work, your work, your Portuguese, what you think about Brazil, how long you've lived here, and so on and so on. 

7.  I've learned how to celebrate.  Most American birthday parties are about 2 or 3 hours.  Heck, 3 hours might be long.  An American wedding?  The ceremony and reception might be 4 hours, if it's at night and you know the couple well.  NOT SO IN BRAZIL!  I've been to lunches that have lasted 6 hours.  And we were the first to leave.  I've finally come to the point where I know that when we go to a churrasco (BBQ), birthday party, lunch, etcetera, we are going to be there for a while.  You have to get relaxed, linger, talk and talk and then talk some more.  I told a co-worker last week that American's unfortunately don't know how to have parties.  Brazilians know how to party.  Just take a look at the sheer number of party supply stores, salão de festas (places to rent to hold your big party), catering companies, cake vendors, party entertainers, salons to get your nails/hair/makeup done for parties, party dress stores, etcetera, etcetera.  And that's just for the kids (i.e. weddings is a whole other business...)

8. The Female Brazilian (Mineira?) Lilt.  I sometimes catch myself speaking English like I hear Brazilian women speak.  It's almost like singing, a bit whiny, in the higher range.  And I hear my 5 year old speaking like this all the time.  Sorry, I don't have a visual nor a video for this.  Anyone else out there know what I'm talking about?

9. I open the window every time I get into the car/bus.  It doesn't matter if it's raining, if it's cold, or if I'm right next to a big truck blowing fumes right in my face.  When we were in the states, my youngest kept asking to open the window in my parent's car.  In Washington state.  In the dead of winter.  She just couldn't understand why we wouldn't open the windows.

10.  I spontaneously say "nossa" (pronounced NO--sah) when I'm surprised.  Short for "Nossa Senhora," which I would translate as "jeeze," or "oh my god."  When I see a woman wearing 4 inch heels walking up a steep hill.  When I find out how much the bill will be at the restaurant.  When a child at school does something cute.  When the bus sits at a bus stop for 5 minutes because so many people are trying to crowd on and the bus driver won't go because there are too many people hanging out the door. 

I realize that most of these things are life changing, but they are certainly things I was NOT doing 2 years ago.  And if you want to read about a fellow-blogger who is trying to "become Brazilian" every day this year, check out Born Again Brazilian. 

paranoia and the expat

Ay.  What a day.  Actually, a week.  Here's the story.


I work one day a week at a campus that is about a 40 minute drive outside the city.  Last year I started the year by driving, but quickly realized that the roads were sooooo crappy (think big trucks, heavy rains, and minimal road repair) that it was not worth adding more grey hairs to my head.  I was able to carpool with a group of teachers.  But this year, for various reasons, the carpool doesn't really exist.  At least a convenient carpool.  So I've been trying to figure out how to get to work without spending too much time (taking the bus) or without going thru too much hassle to meet up with other teachers to get to work.  Each week there are always various factors that affect my decisions regarding transportation.  And I'll admit, I've driven a few times.




A week and a half ago,  I drove.  I was having a great time, belting out "All We Need is Love" by the Beatles, puttering along in my VW Beetle.  Feeling so 1973.  And then I heard a VERY loud noise.  I was almost on the exit for the school, so I kept driving, but midway thru the exit I realized that I had a flat tire.  I almost freaked out right then and there, thinking "I AM IN A FOREIGN COUNTRY WITH A FLAT TIRE, 40 MINUTES FROM REAL CIVILIZATION."  But I was able to calm myself down, pull over, and start changing the tire.  Granted, I haven't changed a tire in almost 20 years, but darn it all, I was going to try.  And I actually got the car jacked up pretty good (like, on the jack, not messed up).  But thankfully a very kind man named Julio stopped and took over.  He changed my tire and also managed to make me feel very wonderful about being a) a teacher b) a native English speaker and c) someone who can play the guitar.  Wow, thanks Julio for changing my tire and giving me an ego boost!  The spare was a little low, so I drove to the nearest gas station to fill it up.  The guy at the gas station told me that my spare had a leak.  He filled up the spare to 30 psi (even thought I was pretty sure that I'd been told 24 was okay), and within 30 seconds it lost 2 psi.  He convinced me to leave the car there so that I could come back after work, refill the tire (that would be flat by that time) and drive to the closest tire repair shop.  I then walked to school, and even managed to make it to class ON TIME.  Yes, I am that awesome.

After work, I walk back to the gas station, and what do you know?  The spare tire is NOT flat.  He insists on refilling it up, and of course it loses 2 psi in 30 seconds, and at that point I was pretty sure that he really knew nothing about tires, and I'm just thankful that he didn't blow up my remaining tires!  I made it back to BH, picked up the kids from school and got home.   I then got the chance to look closely at the tire, and saw that I had hit something pretty serious, and ripped a big hole in the tire.  But I had to at least try to see if it could be repaired.

I went to the neighborhood tire repair shop, and was kindly informed it was a lost cause.  Then began my search for a good price on tires.  I went back to the place where we had purchased 2 new tires back when we bought the car, and the prices had gone up almost R$50 a tire!!!  I called around, but found pretty much the same price.  And of course, because the tires were used (not that much, but enough to count), I had to buy 2 new tires instead of just one.  This stupid drive to work was starting to get really REALLY expensive.

So I finally scheduled the time to get the new tires.  And that was today.  I took the car.  No problem.  The shop even called to tell me there was an issue with some machine and my car would be ready later than they had told me (that NEVER happens!  Usually I have to call the shop and harass them to find out when my car will be ready).  Finally, they call and say everything is ready.  I went to pick up the car, pay my hefty bill and leave.  But then I realized that I'd forgotten to check the spare, and make sure that they'd traded the old tire with the hole for the old "good" tire.  I pulled over a block away from the shop, and saw the old, holey tire.  So I went back and explain what I need.  And then this guy shows up holding a tube, and says that the tube has a hole so they can't give me a good spare.  But what happened to my two good tires?  The old tires that you just took off?  I went back and forth between the secretary and the grease monkey and I just didn't get it.  At that point, I should have called my husband to get his help with Portuguese and even to help me think rationally here.  The grease monkey said he would see if he could get a new tube and they would call me.  And I drove away.  And I felt this increasing sense of dread.  How was is that I drove into the shop with 4 decent tires, but then bought 2 new tires and drove away with only 4 good tires?  I should have gone back to the shop and tried to clarify things.  But instead I went to the grocery and then home.  By then I was feeling really crappy.  So finally I told my husband, and of course he was mad that they had put a hole in the tube (that was the only conclusion I could come to based on what they were telling me) and we were going to have to pay for yet one more thing. 

He called the secretary to ask how they were going to fix this problem that they created, and she was really rude to him, and then he got really frustrated.  He said that he was not going to let them take advantage of us, and we had to go back there and figure out how they were going make this wrong right.  In the process of driving back, we found out that they had broken the handle on the driver's side door that had just been repaired.  I didn't notice it when I went to the store because I was so upset about the tire problem.  Ug.

We get to the shop, and the secretary is still trying to talk over my husband, and is not listening to anything he's saying.  Finally the manager comes out, and explains.  All the tires have tubes.  Old tires.  New tires.  They used the old tubes (which were still good) with the new tires.  They didn't make any holes in any tubes.  The grease monkey was talking about the repairing the tube in the tire that I had put a hole in.

Oh.

And he would fix the door handle.  He apologized about it, and was quite nice, even though we got all worked up about it.

So essentially I made a big mess of things by not understanding Portuguese.  And I realized, that we are still in the paranoia stage of being expats.  We still are very quick to assume that people are trying to trick us, take our money, and essentially use jeitinho to take advantage of us.  The blog that I linked to defines "jeitinho" as personal benefit or advantage that is detrimental to the benefit or advantage of others.  


It's tricky in Brazil, because jeitinho is alive and real.  Not a day goes by when I don't encounter it (either attempting to use it, or being it's "victim").  So it's easy to quickly jump to the conclusion that someone is trying to pull the wool over my eyes.  But there's also the reality that we are foreigners in a foreign land, with still a very limited understanding of social norms, culture, language and the many, many nuances of communication.  When I don't understand how something works, it's tempting to make a quick judgement that I'm being made fun of, and that my lack of understanding gives the person I'm interacting with full license to "get" me.  It's hard to be vulnerable.  It's hard not having the tools of language and culture.  It's hard to not understand.  And it's hard to live in a place where people can maneuver their way into benefits without following the rules (my rules?  North American rules?  Just who is making these rules...)  But somehow we've got to hold in balance the reality of jeitinho and our assumptions.   Like when it seems like someone is charging us too much for an inferior product.  Or convincing us to do something that we don't want.  Or giving us the raw end of a deal.  Hmmm....

But my moral to my story is, if I don't understand, keep asking until I do.  And maybe try not to jump to conclusions so quickly, and then drag my unsuspecting husband into the paranoia as well.

Uniforms

Uniforms are important in Brazil.   Almost all students wear school uniforms, and of course the teachers wear uniforms also.  Dora and Bea's school (Escola da Serra) does not require a uniform, and actually prides itself in the fact that they the students get to wear what they want and express themselves with their fashion choices.  When we first moved here, I thought "Great!  One less thing I have to spend money on."  Because, like most things in Brazil, school uniforms are pricey.  But the thing that I didn't really consider was that school uniforms are about the same price as clothing (jeans, shirts, etcetera), but it's okay if they don't look sparkling white, or if they get stained or little holes.  Because they are uniforms, and they are meant for those kind of things.  After a few months at their school, which is also known for it's great arts programs, I found that the children's clothes were taking a real beating.  Schools here love to have kids use Caneta Soft Point Ponta Porosa, and it stains their hands and their clothes like CRAZY.  And the sad thing is that it isn't permanent, meaning that the ink doesn't stay on books, plastic, pens, and other important things you want to label.

curse you, Caneta Ponta Porosa!

We lost several items of clothing to Caneta Soft Point Ponta Porosa. 

Then there was the roughhousing.  That cost Sebastian a few shirts (ripped).  Make-up day (stains on Bea's dresses, not to mention a rash to her sensitive skin).  The massive painting projects for various events.  The kids clothes looked pretty bad by the end of the school year. 

So I decided that 2012 was going to be different.  Sebastian has to wear a uniform at Maple Bear, so that was easy.  A little pricey up front, and we are still adding pieces to his wardrobe, but I already notice that his "nice" clothes are still looking nice.  Because he doesn't wear them to school!  Beatrice and Dora now have to wear school shirts to school, or old clothes.  We had purchased one school shirt for them for field trips, and from the various events (Semana Olimpica), they've built up a collection of school shirts.  I'm also noticing the different with them too!  Their school shirts look like junk, but the cute shirts that Grandma bought, and the nice dresses that we found for US$3 at Goodwill are looking great! 

And, I've broken down and I've now joined the ranks of the uniformed.  I requested that Maple Bear provide me with a shirt, and I got my own special ones:

Hi cute little Maple Bear, holding a Canadian flag!

oh yeah.

Not only do I get to save my clothes, but I get the respect of wearing the uniform.  I'm not just this random non-Portuguese speaking teacher that wanders around the school.  I am the music teacher.  I never would have gotten so excited about something like this in the states (I HATED uniforms, and never wanted to wear them unless I absolutely had to).  But here, it's part of the culture, and a way to get respect and be recognized.  And I'm liking it. 

Unfortunately, they only got me 100% polyester shirts.  This music teacher works up a sweat in my class, jumping, moving to music, handing out recorders, and generally just being busy trying to keep the kids under control.  And my classrooms tend to not be very well ventilated.  And now I'm wearing polyester.  I don't think my uniforms are going to smell very good for very long.

Dishwashing soap: a bar?

In the US, we were blessed with a dish washing machine.  It was great.  Put dirty dishes in, fill with dishwasher detergent, turn on and voila!  Clean dishes!

Our first apartment here had a dishwasher.  It was tiny, and I was told by several people that it would be really expensive to pay for the energy to run it.  Since we don't have running hot water (I've yet to visit a house/apartment here that does), the dishwashers have to have the ability to heat up the water (like the shower heads).  This means running the dishwasher gets expensive.  So we just never bothered with it.  And as a result, we did lots of dishes.  

We moved to an apartment without a dishwasher.  And I still do lots of dishes.  I know that some say that the products here are made so that clean up is a breeze, but I disagree.  It takes a lot of scrubbing to get those pots and pans clean.  And it does require a lot of soap.  But a few months back a Brazilian friend of mine recommended using Ypê bar soap.  There are a couple different brands, but 

this one seems to be the best.  They are sold in packages of 5 or 6, and it looks like this:

 

I wouldn't necessarily say this kind of soap has revolutionized my dishwashing, but it is cheaper because the soap lasts for every.  You just rub your sponge on the soap, work up a lather and wash away.  It's a little less convenient, but it's one area in the household budget where you can save a little money.  And that's nothing to sneeze at!

Things to stock up on

***updated list, thanks to comments!**
First, I must preface this list with wise words that my sister gave me.  Before we made the move to Brazil, she said that we should think about one thing that will make us feel at home, no matter where we are.  That is the thing that you have to make sure that you pack/stock up on/bring with you.  My husband always says that having art on the walls makes him feel at home, so we brought some nice unframed canvases with us.  It only took us a year and a half to get them up on our walls, but having these made our place seem like home to my husband.  For me, it was the French Press and a big coffee mug.  I'm not as particular about my coffee as my sister (or my husband for that matter), but having a the ability to make coffee the way I like, and a nice big mug to drink it out of made me feel at home.  So for all of you out there thinking about making the plunge to another country, I advise you to think this one over, and plan.

Now, here is the list of things that we stock up when we go to the states.  Some of the items are a bit random and specific to our professions, but I'm putting it all out there for you to get an idea.

1.  Shoes.  We buy shoes that fit the kids now, and shoes that they will grow into.  Tennis shoes, dress shoes, crocs, sandals, rain boots... you think you'll want it, buy it and bring it.

2.  Clothes.  I don't care so much about brands/names.  Heck, I spent probably close to USD $200 just at Goodwill (have I mentioned how much I LOVE Goodwill?)  But I bought lots, and lots, and lots of clothes.  Jeans, shirts, socks, underwear, baseball hats, jackets and on and on. 

3.  Chili powder.  If you like to make Mexican food, bring Chili powder.  You can get it here, but it's pricey.  I like to make Enchilada sauce.

4.  Cardamom (pods or ground).  Again, you can find it here, but it's CRAZY expensive.  Oh, and red and/or yellow lentils to make Indian Daal.  Can't find them here.

5.  Razors.  Expensive here. 

6.  Make Up.  I don't wear much, but it's so much easier and cheaper to get in the states.  You can usually find it on sale in the states (again, I'm a Target/Walgreens kinda girl), and the cheap USD$5 pressed powder is much better quality than the R$20 stuff sold at O Boticário.  Or you can splurge and buy Lancome and get all those free samples;  those kind of promotions never happen in Brazil.  At least as far as I've seen.

7.  Pencil sharpeners and pencils.  I don't know why this has annoyed me so much, but I've had a heck of a time with Brazilian pencils and sharpeners.  The lead always breaks, or the pencil sharpener breaks, or just does a crappy job.  I saw an electric pencil sharpener that would normally sell for about USD $35 here at Kalunga for R$150. 

8.  Tupperware.  Plastic storage pieces are crazy pricey in Brazil.

9.  Materials in English.  I have a daughter who can read a book a day if given the opportunity.  We bought a kindle, but I always try to bring back some books for her.  I hit up Goodwill and get the Newberry Classics or other award-winners.  I also bring back curriculum for work, teaching materials, and my husband brings back sheet music.  He claims you can't buy classical sheet music in Brazil.

10.  Pipe cleaners.  They don't exist here.  Handy for little kid crafts.

11.  Toys.  I bought all the kid's birthday presents, extra presents to give, puzzles, markers, and games.  Worth every cent.  Especially since I got after-Christmas sale prices.

12.  Backpacks and lunch boxes.  Found some on clearance in the States.  Waayy over priced here.

13.  Chocolate chips.  My husband makes really REALLY good cookies.  They sell something that looks like a chocolate chip here, but it's not real chocolate.  So we buy several bags in the states.

14.  Maple Syrup extract.  Rather than take up extra space in our luggage, I just buy the extract and make my own syrup.  But then again, I am that kind of person. 

15.  Ziploc bags.  I don't think I've seen them here, and Americans kinda like them.  I'm so thrifty that I wash mine and reuse them.  But then again I was already doing that in the states...

16. Peanut butter.  You can find it now (Verdemar, my hubby has seen Peter Pan brand for R$12, and I think last year he bought a jar of Skippy for R$20.  But it's not always there). 

That's all I have time for now.  Am I missing anything, fellow expats?

an example of what it is like to drive here

The other day I was returning home from the store, and I had a driving experience that is very common.  I want to start out by saying that I'm not amazed by the kind of bad driving that I encountered, but by the fact that it didn't phase me.  I didn't honk.  I didn't get mad.  I didn't yell, or even talk to myself.  There is a kind of dance, an elaborate choreography that goes on in the streets of Belo Horizonte, and I think that I've finally joined in.  In a way, it's kind of beautiful.  It is quite amazing there aren't more accidents, but if you consider the movements (and don't think about the size and weight of the participants), it's almost artistic.  Let me illustrate:

 

There are actually more streets at the intersection (gotta love the 7 way intersections), but my drawing abilities are not so keen.  So I'm keeping it simple. 

Now, here are three cars stopped at the stop light at the intersection.  The blue oval in the middle is me, in my Fusca (VW Bug).  

We're sitting at the light, and here's what everyone is thinking about doing:

You see the problem.  I tried to recreate this on a video with my children to post, but my children kept crashing their Hot Wheels cars and cracking up.  But in real life, it is something to behold.

The light changes to green, and then the beauty starts.  The yellow van in the far left lane decides to make a right turn onto the Contorno (in front of me).  But at the same time, the light blue truck is making a left turn from the far right lane.  But light blue truck has already anticipated this, and starting driving before the light turned green. 

I'm pretty proud of my driving abilities.  But I'm a little nervous for our trip to the US.  We're leaving in 2 weeks for a 7 week visit, which will involve plenty of driving.  I'll just have to remember how to drive like an American, and be a little less aggressive.

Motion detecting lights

The very first day I set foot into Brazil was a tad bit overwhelming.  I remember trying to take in the city, the traffic.  I remember reading the signs, the heaviness of the humidity, and trying to make sense of everything I was encountering.  Our friends Marcio and Luiza hosted us at their apartment, because the hotel room provided by the Filarmonica was pretty small and only had 3 beds.  They drove us to their building, and when the garage opened, it was dark.  But as the car entered, all the lights clicked on.  Then we went up the elevator, and when we got out at their floor, it was dark.  I remember thinking it was so odd, but then all of the sudden the lights clicked on.  My husband had to explain the motion sensors on the lights.  And now a little Google researching, I've learned a little about why there are just so many motion sensors here.


In 2001, there was a very bad drought in Brazil.  Brazil at that time got 90% of it's electricity from dams.  The drought and the increasing demand for electricity caused HUGE problems, and government stepped in with a campaign to conserve energy.  Gas stations were closed at night, lights were turned off in some neighborhoods, some night time concerts and sports events were cancelled, and electricity was rationed.  Those individuals who reduced their energy usage by 20% were given a cash bonus, and companies that significantly reduced energy consumption were able to sell their savings to other businesses.  So, there was a lot of motivation to find ways to save energy.  Hence, motion sensor lights became the norm. 
I think it is brilliant (ha ha).  Or as a fellow blogger says, "Brazilliant." 

School for 2012

It's that time of year in Brazil.  Time to register your kids for the 2012 school year.  Thinking about my kids' education has been weighing on my mind the past few months.  When we moved here, I wasn't so worried about getting our kids into the "right" school.  Our older two kids were in gifted programs in the states, I knew they were probably ahead of the game in some areas.   Beatrice was only 3 at the time, so school for her was going to be all about socialization.   And in my mind, the first year was going to be about learning Portuguese.  And I'm very proud to say that they did great.  And overall, we were happy with their school, and so we decided to keep them at Escola da Serra for 2011.  It's considered unique here in Belo Horizonte, somewhat of a Montessori model, with a heavy emphasis on the arts.  It's small, has lots of social events, and at the end of the school day parents and children like to hang out in the "patio" and eat popcorn while the children play and the parents chit chat.  Very nice.

However, within a few month, some things became more challenging in regards to subject matter.  Dora started complaining about how boring her classes were and how kids were yelling during class.  Sebastian said he wanted to go back to the United States because he was able to better learn there.  We started having meetings with teachers and coordinators (coordinators oversee a group of classrooms, help with discipline issues).  I was very pleased that the teachers and coordinators responded very quickly to our concerns.

But I was worried about Sebastian.  I don't think that 7 year-old kids should be feeling so bad about school.  His classroom is 15 boys and 5 girls, including some kids with special needs.  Honestly, it was not a good combination.  And Sebastian was starting to have some problems with his behavior, and felt like his discipline issues and the noise levels in the classroom were making it hard to learn.  After much deliberating, and negotiating, we've decided to move him to the school where I work.  I know the kids in the classroom where he will be, I know the coordinators at Maple Bear, and I've looked over the curriculum.  It's not perfect (no school is), but I feel like I can better understand what happens in the classroom.  One thing that has been hard for us here is how little we know about what actually is happening at school.  I think that a large part of it is due to our lack of Portuguese, but it's also that parents are essentially not allowed in the classrooms.  This is the case at Escola da Serra, but also at Maple Bear.  In the US, you can ask and schedule to visit a classroom at any time--to help out, to observe, to help with a special event.  And you can always talk to the teacher at the end of the school day.  In Brazil, you pretty much have to be invited into the school, and it's on the teacher's terms.  And the only time you can actually talk to the teacher is if you schedule an appointment, which is done through the diary or agenda (the "planner" or calendar that you have to buy as part of the supplies for school).  I've been in Sebastian's classroom two times in Brazil--once for his 6th Birthday (and I actually wasn't supposed to, but I misunderstood) and then for a presentation he did on Robots.  In the US, I was in his classroom at least once a month, and I talked to his teacher at least once a week after school.  All this to say, it's been hard for me to adjust to this, and I really do want to know be involved in my children's education and know what is happening at school.

The other benefit about sending Sebastian to Maple Bear is that half of his instruction will be in English.  His writing in Portuguese is pretty good, and he's probably about equal in reading in English and in Portuguese.  But his writing in English isn't so hot.  I've tried some things with him, but it's the "oh Mom, I don't want to do this with you," kind of response.  So the hope is that school will not only continue to encourage his Portuguese, but now help with spelling and writing in English.  And, that some of the discipline issues can be resolved.  Especially since I will now have the insider scoop.






Oh, and did I mention the super cute uniforms with the Canadian flag and cute little bear??

This is not a picture of my son, but one of my students.  Some of the uniforms have added Brazilian flags.  Too cute.



We're going to keep the girls at Escola da Serra.  They have good friends there, it's in our neighborhood, and it's what we've got.  I know I'll have to continue to work hard to understand, to be involved, and push to make sure that our kids are getting what we feel like (and they feel like) they need.  But now that the decisions have been made, and the conversations have been had, I feel a little better.

Squeaky Wheel

I've not written very much about our new apartment.  Overall, we are very happy.  The rent is less.  It is SOOOOOOOOOOO much quieter.  I'm growing plants and some herbs in our back patio area.  We painted the walls and are making it like a home.  There are many good things. 

However, there is a leak.

We didn't know about the leak when we moved in.  It had been painted over.  The person we hired to help us do some repairs before we moved in told us that it was probably going to be a problem.  And of course, within a few weeks, we could see the wet spot growing on the ceiling.  Now we have mold.  Yuck.

It turns out that this problem has been going on well over a year.  The sindica (the super) in our building has already been very involved because the leak has damaged the wall in the hallway, so it has become a problem affecting the building.  There are many layers of issues and problems, but it all boils down to the owner of the upstairs apartment.  It has been verified that the leak is originating in his apartment.  But he does not want to take responsibility and pay for the repair of the hallway and to repair the damage in our 2nd bathroom.  I've talked to the sindica and the owner of our apartment, but they both feel like they can't do anything.  So, it's time to get serious.

A friend of ours had a horrible problem with termites and is now helping me navigate the ins and outs of our contract and educating us about our rights as tenants, and the correct way to move forward.  We have to go through the imobilaria (rental company), and essentially nag them to fix the problem, and get them to deal with the owner.  It's all about being the squeaky wheel.  Because it really won't get taken care of unless we make it an issue (hence the fact that the leak has been happening for over a year, and nothing has happened).  This is a big difference here for me.  I'm used to being able to call a business, make a request for something to happen, and for it to happen.  When I call the bank because I was charged incorrectly for my groceries, they tell me how to fix it, and it gets taken care of.  Here (specifically in Minas Gerais and with rental issues, because that's what I'm dealing with right now, and have had numerous problems in this area), you call, you ask for something (a copy of your rental bill, someone to email you a statement, help resolving an issue with the gas or oven), and you get a positive response (of course!  I'll help resolve that problem!  I'm emailing you right now!) and nothing happens.  You have to call again.  And again.  And show up, and essentially bug someone until they get annoyed and do something about it. 

I realize that I'm speaking in broad generalizations, but this has been my experience with our past rental company, the past super in our old building, the maintenance guy in the old building (remember Miguel?) and our current rental company.  I was feeling pretty overwhelmed by this for a while, and angry, but I'm feeling better now.  I know what I will need to do, and I can anticipate all the hoops I will have to jump through.  Knowing this is helpful, and helps me feel a little less dread.  But I'm gearing myself up emotionally to fight this battle, knowing that it's probably going to be a long haul.

How to repair broken Havianas

When we moved to Brazil, I brought my cheap, Old Navy flip-flops. I'd heard of Havianas, but I thought, "really? what is the big deal about flip-flops?" I used to have lots of problems with my feet, so I didn't really wear flip-flops all that much anyway. Then, my husband bought me a pair for Christmas 2010. My husband routinely buys me gifts that at first I'm not too impressed with, and then they really grow on me. I have to say that these flip-flops are amazing! He got me a pair that has a little thicker sole, with more support. They feel great. But then sadly, a few months ago they broke like this:

I went back to the store where he bought them, and they said I'd just have to buy another pair. I loved them so much, I was willing to shell out the R$30 so I could go back to being comfortable. A few days later, I was riding the bus downtown, and I saw someone on the street corner, selling shoe laces and something else. Replacement straps for Havaianas! Thankfully I hadn't thrown away my old pair, and as luck would have it, a few days later my new pair broke in the same way. And my husband's pair broke too. Last week I finally got around to making a trip downtown, and found a shoelace salesman/Havaiana repairman. For about R$10, I was able to get all 3 pair fixed. I really love how Brazilians will fix things rather than throw them away and buy another. And my feet are happy again.