The dilemma of raising children in Brazil

Write on the board the word MORALS
They stole the chalk, teacher!

I'm a little behind, but this article was circulating Facebook a while back:

http://veja.abril.com.br/noticia/educacao/o-dilema-da-criacao-dos-filhos-a-etica-compensa

Now I can't say I've "studied" the article, nor that my quick scan of it has allowed me to fully understand the depth of the issue.  But I can say that I think I get the main idea, which is that Brazilian parents face a significant challenge while trying to raise their children.  Parents want to (and have the responsibility to) teach their children values, but they are doing so within a country where the "Lei de Gerson" (take advantage of everything and everyone whenever you can).  Essentially, those of us living in Brazil know that you really have to be looking out for number one here, because it really is a dog-eat-dog world.  The expectation is that others will take advantage of you.  They will take your son's stuffed animal one minute after it falls out of his bedroom window (true story, unfortunately).  Salespeople will over charge you for inferior products.  Those trying to buy a car will try to falsify documents (hence, the elaborate laws around verification and the existence of Cartorios).   They will throw trash in front of your apartment.  Elected officials steal money without shame.  Now, I realize that I'm speaking in generalizations, and there are exceptions, and there are many, many Brazilian citizens who are making the hard choices to be think of others before thinking of themselves.  But the article interviews parents who are afraid that if they teach their children morals, if they teach their children to obey laws, to follow the rules, to be honest, that their children will fall behind.  Parents fear that their children will be taken advantage of if they don't learn how to operate within the reality of the society.  So which is better, to uphold a higher morality, or to teach your children to be shrewd and successful within a culture of corruption?

As a foreigner with children, and as a teacher working in a school, I find this a particularly interesting challenge, and a cultural issue.  I'm not trying to make a value judgement here (I could, but I will avoid).  But I think that we face a difficult situation.  I want my children to grow up to be honest, responsible citizens who care for those around them.  And yet, we live in a culture where we are daily faced with a multitude of examples of dishonesty, irresponsibility, and a total lack of respect for others. How do I reconcile this?

And apparently the "levar vantagem" (take advantage of) came from this:

Ongoing Protests in Belo Horizonte

Paulo Whitaker/Reuters
http://www.nytimes.com/2013/06/28/world/americas/public-rage-catching-up-with-brazils-congress.html

Hi there!  I've been meaning to post all week, but well...I just didn't get to it.  The protests have continued, and not only is the world starting to take notice, but also the Brazilian government.  Here's how I sum up what's gone on.

There was a protest about a bus fair increase in São Paulo on June 13th, and the military police got very violent, and over 100 people were injured.  A lot of Brazilians were shocked at just how violent it got, and images went viral.  People then started protesting violence, bus fares, and but then they grew to include protesting government spending and political corruption, and now the main point is the corruption.  The Brazilian government didn't take these protests seriously, and then protesters started making things uncomfortable around the FIFA Confederations Cup games that have been taking place around Brazil.  A few of the soccer teams were afraid, and rumors were spreading that FIFA might cancel the games, and it might affect the World Cup.  I think this was when the Brazilian government realized that there was a problem.  The biggest news from Congress was that PEC-37, a proposal for constitutional reform that would have limited the ability to investigate officials.  I think that Brazilians are feeling heartened that there is actually some positive reaction to the protests.  And I think that there is still a lot of work to be done, and I still wonder what is actually going to come together.  There is need for lots of leadership.  And strong leadership.

How has all of this affected us personally?  I was a little nervous last Saturday, when Facebook was buzzing with invitations to the protests, and there were rumors of 100s of thousands of people turning out and trying to stop the game.  The protest in Belo Horizonte was by far the largest of the protests across Brazil that day (40,000), but we were no where near any of the protests.  I was actually able to drive across town with no problem, and then ended up taking Beatrice to a movie.  However, the protests did again turn violent when people got too close to the Minierão (soccer stadium), and police used tear gas and pepper spray.  I watched some videos at home late on Saturday, and I wept.  How could this be happening in our city?!?  Starting on Monday, protesters decided to take to the highways, and traffic in and out of the city was blocked.  My co-workers who work in Lagoa dos Ingleses couldn't go to work on Tuesday because the road was entirely blocked.  On Tuesday the Mayor declared it a holiday in Belo Horizonte.  All banks were closed, and all schools cancelled classes for  Wednesday (the day that Brazil was playing the semi-final game in our city).  The National Guard was sent in, but the protests were pretty mild that day.  My Wednesday classes got "rescheduled" for today and next Saturday.  The kids have school today.  I was pretty peeved initially about having to work Saturdays, but it is a small thing in the bigger fight for justice.  For the most part, the Brazilians I've spoken to are very supportive of the protests.  It seems that things have calmed down a bit (at least on the streets) and now the battle is figuring out just how to deal with the extensive corruption.  If you'd like to do some more extensive reading, I'd suggest these articles:

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/06/26/opinion/let-them-eat-soccer.html?_r=0

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/06/28/world/americas/public-rage-catching-up-with-brazils-congress.html?pagewanted=2

out and about

I was out to do some printing this morning (yes, we still don't have a printer, but to be honest, I'm happier to not have to deal with printer issues).  It was a beautiful, clear morning, and I was without the kids, so I could give my full attention to the surroundings.  It felt like a very Brazilian walk, since I saw these things:

from http://christchurchreformed.com/

A teenage boy holding his Grandmother's hand, out for a walk.  I love how common it is for people to hold hands while out walking, and how often I see boys and young men holding their mom's hand.  My  almost 9 year old son has not adapted to the Brazilian custom, but I always make him hold my hand when we cross the street.  Last week he didn't let go after we had crossed the street, and held my hand for a whole block.  

Oooh, bad picture from the cell phone...

The coconut delivery truck blasting funk music.  For those of you who don't have the "privilege" of being familiar with funk music, I was considering posting a YouTube video.  But my 1 minute YouTube search left me feeling very offended and disgusted, so I will spare you.

Yet another bad picture from the cell...

And a walk in our neighborhood wouldn't be complete with out illegal parking.  Can you see the telephone pole at the left of the picture?  There is a no parking sign on it.  And you can see 4 cars parked illegally in front of it.  What is harder to tell, is that the first car is a POLICIA MILITAR car.  The police officers were parked there, while getting ice cream cones.  It's really no wonder that 82% of Brazilians think it is easy to break the law, and 54% see little reason to follow laws.  But I had to just chuckle to myself, and enjoy the blue sky and this crazy, complicated, wonderfully frustrating place that we live.  

Chocolate and the American Candy Bar Invasion

Brazil is not known for it's quality chocolate.  This is very odd to me, since cacau is from the Amazon.  Don't get me wrong: Brazilians love chocolate.  But for the most part, they like milk chocolate.  And less expensive, lower quality chocolate. I realize I'm speaking in generalizations, but go to any Lojas Americanas, and you'll find at least one whole row devoted to the following:

There's a reason it's called baton (lipstick).  Eww.

I bought a box of these on a recommendation, and gave it as a gift to my sister and family.  They said it was just bad chocolate.  I feel bad that their first exposure to a Brazilian product was bad chocolate!

In terms of candy bars, there are these:

Crunchy outside, nougat-ty middle.  Not bad, but cheap chocolate.  And sometimes the chocolate gets a little soft.  Not good.

Inexpensive milk chocolate with air bubbles.  Meh.

These are yummy.  

But the WORST WORST WORST are these chocolate soccer balls.  My kids won't even eat them.  They are literally plastic.  We got a bunch at a birthday party, and I threw them all out today.

Yuck.

You can find good stuff.  Talento makes some dark chocolate bars.  I love chocolate bon-bons, like Seranata do Amor and Sonho de Valsa.  And Diamante Negro is good (crunchy toffee pieces in chocolate).

One thing I've noticed in our three years here, is the introduction of American candy bars into the mix.  First it was Snickers.  They were more expensive when they arrived, but now you can find them for R$1.49 (or so).  Then came Twix.  These also have gone down in price.  From a brief google search, it looks like they have been in Brazil since 2000 and 2001 respectively, but I didn't see them in Belo Horizonte until at least 2011.  Maybe I was just so absorbed with daily life and adjusting that I never noticed.  But it can be verified that  KitKat arrived in 2011, which is still about R$2.50.  And now I can find Milky Ways!  I used to eat a Milky Way a day in high school when I was playing volleyball.  Oh my.  What will arrive next?  

Reflections on culture: School Performances

I realize that many of my recent posts have been rather on the "fluff" side.  So I thought I'd venture into the subject of culture.  I realize this is a rather larger topic, with potential to irritate readers.  But I feel a bit irritated, so you can join me.  I'm going to focus in on what I've perceived as one cultural expectation that I have perceived in Brazilian private schools.  Here we go.

As y'all know, I'm a music teacher at a Brazilian private school.  I teach in English (thank God!  Can you imagine the mess it would be if I were to teach in Portuguese??!)  I love my job, and I love the opportunity to influence students, to enjoy music with them, and even sometimes hear them say "that was fun!" or "I learned something!"  One thing I DO NOT like about my job are the performances.  After 3 years of wanting to pull my hair out from the frustration that I experience with these performances, I finally this week realized that it may have something to do with Brazilian culture and expectations.  As an American (and as a parent and educator), I do expect that my children would participate in some kind of performance at their school.  My expectation for preschoolers (age 3 to 5) is that they would hopefully be able to stand in front of a small group of parents and family members and just do something.  Clap.  Move some body part.  Shimmy or shake.  MAYBE move their mouth and have some kind of sound come out.  But for me, just seeing them doing something is enough.  Since I am American (and a parent and educator), I bring these expectations with me to my job here in Brazil.  My first year teaching, I was asked to help the Kindergarten class prepare for their graduation.  Naively, I agreed, making the assumption that it would be a cute little song with some motions performed for the families.  Boy, was I wrong.  I should have known by the professional invitations, professional memory books, and tailored caps and gowns. 

My culture says school performance 

= 

educational, enjoyable for the children, simple

Brazil private school culture says school performance 

=  

ESPECTÁCULO and SHOW.  

School performances (from my perspective) in Brazil are not really about the children.  They are about pleasing the parents (after all, who is paying the bill).  And parents want to see their kids singing and dancing.  Even though their 3 year old doesn't speak in complete sentences and will only obey when bribed with cookies, somehow the expectation is that their little João Felipe Pedro II is going to be AMAZING.  There will be live music! There will be props!  There will be elaborate choreography!  

Obviously, I can't get on board with this.  For 2 years, my mantra has been "developmentally appropriate."  It's not "developmentally appropriate" to expect a preschooler to perform in front of a group of 500+ strangers.  It's not "developmentally appropriate" for young children to be able to sing songs written for adults.  It's not developmentally appropriate for preschoolers to sing and dance simultaneously.  But all my talking has been for nothing.  Because I'm dealing with culture. It is part of the culture to have/value/participate in "shows."  It's part of the culture that celebratory events would be extravagant.  And it's especially part of the culture that you plan for something WAY bigger than you can pull off, with the hopes that it would miraculously come together (and often times, it does!)  All this didn't become crystal clear to me until I had the chance to speak briefly with a Canadian education specialist that has been visiting the schools.  She shared about this same phenomena occurring at other Maple Bear schools in Brazil, and how she has finally had to realize that these expectations are part of the culture.  And even if the expectations are crazy and developmentally inappropriate, they are culture.  We North-Americans working in Brazil can't expect research and logic to trump culture.  I suppose it would be like a Brazilian going to the US and scheduling a major test for 2nd graders on November 1st.  It might be the best time to give a test, the children might be ready, and it might be convenient.  But there's no way that any parent would deny their child the chance to participate in Trick-or-Treating or a Harvest Festival or whatever celebration your family enjoys on October 31st.  

So, here I am.  I'm trying to figure out how to operate within this culture that I have chosen to live in. By no means do I want to try to whip these little 4 year-olds in to shape so they can be singing like Mary Poppins.  And by no means do I want to work myself to the bone in the next month.   I haven't quite figured out how to merge these two cultures, so right now I'm just hanging out in the clash.  But I'll keep you posted.  

Loteria

 

Oops.  I forgot to pay a bill before it was due.  Usually we pay all our bills online, through our bank. We either get an email boleto (bill) or a boleto in the mail.  Then we go online, and enter the code (which contains something like 30 numbers), check the amount, click and it's paid!

But when you don't pay on time, things get more complicated.  You either have to go to the bank that holds the account and wait in line for what seems like FOREVER.  Or sometimes you have the option of paying the bill at a Loteria or "Lottery."  You can buy tickets for any of the thousands and thousands of various drawings, contests, card games, etcetera.  And, you can also pay bills there.  I remember asking my first English student here about the loterias:  what were they?  Why were there always HUGE lines outside of them?  She had never been in one before, so she didn't give me much information.  But what I've gathered is that it's mainly a place to buy your lottery tickets, and a service for those who don't have the resources to have a bank accounts (i.e. the poor).  If you need to pay something in cash, you can go, pay, and get the ever important receipt.  Note:  always save your receipts for things like gas, rent, HOA bill, etcetera, because you'll need to show those receipts to the rental agency when you move out of the apartment to confirm that you've paid everything.  Even though you already email them the receipt every month, and sometimes you send them a physical copy, they STILL need to see the original receipts.  Arg.

But anyway, I had to go pay my bill.  As with most things new that I have to do here in Brazil, I was nervous.  How long would I have to spend in line?  Did I have the right documents?  Did I have to have the amount in exact change?  I'm glad to say that it was easy:  my wait was about 5 minutes, I simply gave the bill, the teller calculated the late fee, I paid and didn't need exact change, got my receipt and was on my way! 

I'm still not sure where there are so often HUGE lines of people waiting outside the loterias.  Maybe it has to do when there is a big drawing?  An important soccer game?  The alignment of the stars?  Seriously, sometimes things like that seem controlled by such random factors.  But I also think that many Brazilians just have a lot more patience and tolerance for waiting.  We Americans are an impatient bunch, and we want to take care of business as quickly and as conveniently as possible.  And maybe that wait in line provides people with the opportunity to pick the winning numbers, dream about how they might use their winnings, or come to terms with the amount of money they will have to pay on their bills. 

Belo Horizonte vs. Rio de Janeiro

Belo Horizonte

Rio de Janeiro

We had the privilege of visiting Rio de Janeiro for 6 days in January.  My dear hubby has been there a few time for work, but it was the first time for the rest us, and for my parents.  It was amazing.  I can totally understand why people want to live there, and I have to admit I was quite taken by it all. Granted, I was also on vacation, so I had very few responsibilities, no laundry, no driving.  We flew there and took taxis to get around because 1) my hubby found tickets for less than R$200 round trip and 2) the penthouse we stayed in had no parking spot and 3) the mere thought of driving in an unfamiliar city known for its crazy traffic gave me the heebie jeebies.  We also ate out a lot.  So, I realize that my experience in Rio was made even more amazing because I was just there to relax and have fun.  Plus we were mainly in Copacabana, so please take all this with a grain of salt. 

But all that said, I have some comparisons to make between Rio and Belo Horizonte.

1.  Beauty.  Rio de Janeiro is beautiful:  there is the beach, the ocean, the mountains, sunset, Cristo Redentor, Pão de Açucar.  There are certainly parts that are not so beautiful.  We went to Centro to go to Confeitaria Colombo and then we walked to the Theatro Municipal, and it was certainly dirty and not such a great neighborhood (at least from appearances).  But I would have to say that the ugly views are well balanced by the very, very beautiful parts.  Although Belo Horizonte might mean "beautiful horizon" it is not by any means a beautiful city.  Sure the view from Mangabeiras Park is nice, and the Serra do Curral (the mountains "behind" Mangabeiras Park) are beautiful, but it is not very easy to see this part of Belo Horizonte.  And miles and miles and miles of high rise apartments are not my idea of beauty.  And even though Belo is called "the garden city," and there are some streets that still have nice trees, over all it is just not very visually attractive. 

2.  Tourism.  Rio de Janeiro hosts lots of lots of tourists from Brazil and the world.  Belo Horizonte is NOT a tourist destination.  Rio de Janeiro has resources to cater to tourists, and Cariocas (people who live in Rio) for the most part know how to welcome tourists and help out.  Belo Horizonte just doesn't have many great tourist attractions.  There's the Mercado Central, some parks, some museums, but honestly, it's not worth adding an extra day to your tour of Brazil to come visit Belo Horionte.  Just saying. 

3.  Accessibility.  We found Rio de Janeiro to be walkable.  This means that there were places that were flat, that had good sidewalks, and that we didn't feel like we were risking our lives when we crossed the streets.  In Belo Horizonte, the sidewalks are HORRIBLE, it is terribly hilly (if you aren't walking uphill or going downhill it means that you are standing still), and drivers here have no tolerance for pedestrians.  This was the thing that surprised me the most.  I think that Mineiros (people from Minas Gerais), or perhaps specifically just people from Belo Horizonte get really mean when they get behind the wheel.  They don't take traffic sign and signals seriously, they drive crazy fast, and they don't like stopping for pedestrians.  Unfortunately pedestrians here compensate by being stupid and running in front of cars.  But overall, drivers were MUCH nicer in Rio.

4.  How things work.  In Rio, the taxi drivers refused to stop at the side of the road to let us out because it was against the law and they could get fined.  Maybe I'm reading way too much into this, but I was very impressed by this.  There is a street in our neighborhood that has several NO PARKING signs, and any time a car parks in front of the NO PARKING signs, they block traffic and it causes cars to back up and it just makes a mess.  But no one cars, and people are always parking there.  In fact, in Belo, people stop their cars wherever they want to, whenever they want to.  I would like to say that I have never participated in this kind of behavior, but when in Rome...

5.  Cleanliness.  I found Rio to be overall a much cleaner city than Belo Horizonte.  Maybe it's because we were in Copacabana, but it was nice.  I wouldn't go so far as to say that Rio is a clean city, but compared to Belo Horizonte, it was cleaner.  I didn't see any dog poop on the side walk the whole time I was there!  Unfortunately, there is a lot of trash and dog poop in the street and on the sidewalk here.

6.  Expense.  I didn't find the prices to be all that much difference in Rio as compared to Belo Horizonte.  There were some things that were much cheaper (groceries! clothing!), and other things that were more expensive (eating out).  I assumed that Rio would be more expensive.  But then again, I didn't look into renting any apartments....

I think that I was expecting Rio to feel more dangerous, a little darker and meaner than Belo Horizonte.  But I was surprised.  My son said that when he grows up and has his own family, he's going to live in Rio de Janeiro.  I'd move there with him!

Back to School

It's February, and that means back to school in Brazil.  As a reminder for my North American readers, we are in the Southern hemisphere, so it is the end of summer here.  Vacation is over.  It's time to go back to bad traffic, more noise (thanks to traffic), and back to work. 

Well, almost.

As I mentioned in my last post, most things just go on hold between Christmas and Carnaval.  And Carnaval happens to fall during the 2nd week of school here.  So really, REALLY things don't get back to their normal routine until after Carnaval.  But that's okay with me:  I don't mind easing my way into the school year, breaking it up with a 5 day weekend at the beginning.

What does back to school here mean?  I've mentioned before that most Brazilians with the means pay to send their children to private schools.  Quality public schools exist, but for the most part your local neighborhood public school is unfortunately not very good.  The teachers are underpaid and overworked, the facilities are in disrepair, resources are lacking, and unfortunately expectations are low.  So, most middle class Brazilians have to decide which private school their child will attend.  By late January,  most people have figured out where their children will study.  The application process starts back in August/September, which involves paperwork, paying application fees, and usually having your child take a test to see if they will "make it" in said school.  However, sometimes a child doesn't pass the test, and so the process continues until you can find a school that works for you.   This is what happened for Sebastian's best friend, and just last week his parents got everything in order for him to study at a different school. 

Then once you decide the school and are accepted, you have to pay a full month's tuition in advance.  In Belo Horizonte, private school tuition runs between R$600 to R$1600 a month, with the American School being twice that amount (but the American school is "full" day, from 7:30 am to about 3:30 pm, or a traditional North American schedule).  But most schools will be about R$900 a month.  The school day will be between 5 to 6 hours a day, either a morning shift or afternoon shift.  I'd like to say that most young children (before 6th grade) study in the morning, and old kids in the afternoon, but it varies from school to school.  Also, education starts at a much younger age in Brazil than in the US:  usually children will start at age 2 or 3, and it's very rare that a child would wait until they are 6 (1st grade) to start school. 

After you pay, you then get the pleasure of paying more, for uniform and books/materials.  Uniforms can run between about R$25 a piece to R$50 a piece (piece means part of the uniform).  My kids always want me to buy the jackets and accessories, but I have to stop the madness somewhere.  I don't want to give you a heart attack and tell you the grand total of what we spent on materials/books, but I will tell you that Dora had LOTS of books, and they were between R$60 and R$125.  You have to buy ALL their text books, ALL their materials (notebooks, pencils, paper, EVERYTHING).  Beatrice had a list of materials for her kindergarten class that was crazy--paintbrushes, clay, cotton balls, cream of tartar, sand paper, playdough, construction paper, masking tape, etcetera, etcetera.  Thankfully I got the teacher [free] discount, and I didn't have to shell out the R$500 for all that stuff. 

The other fun thing about back to school shopping is the stores.  There are normally long lines, problems with the cash registers, extended coffee breaks taken by the employees that make for even longer lines, and lack of actual material to buy ("what?!?  The paper store is out of paper?!")   But then you add thousands of parents descending on the stores the last few days of summer vacation and you have insanity.  Just stay away from bookstores in the month of January and February, if you are wise. 

I feel such a sense of accomplishment when I finish getting all the kids school supplies.  I like to do it myself, and shop around (love me a bargain), and one things that I've found SO helpful is Google images.  Often times you get a list with something like "Pasta catálogo com 50 plásticos" or "TNT," and there just isn't an entry in the dictionary that can help you find out what the heck it is your supposed to get.  Doing a Google Image search for "TNT Brasil Escola Material" will help you realize that there is no need to blow up your child's school.  :-)

But on a positive note, it's my 3rd year of teaching.  I really, really like teaching.  And I think that I'm pretty good at it.  And now that I've done this back to school thing a few times, I don't feel so stressed.  I'm going to be teaching "ala carte" this year (i.e. I don't have a classroom), but I'm okay with that.  I'm looking forward to seeing my students again, and having fun with them. 

Despedida

No, we're not leaving Brazil.  No plans to do so.  Days when I want to, but we are fully here.  Friends, work, and now we're thinking about moving to another apartment in Belo Horizonte.  We're here.

But I've been thinking about the "despedida" or "farewell" recently.  We went to a birthday party a few weekends back.  It was very nice:  about an hour outside of the city, at the family "cabin," lots of kids and bikes and a swimming pool.  The invitation said that the party was between 10 am and 3 pm.  For various reasons, we didn't even arrive at the party until 1:30 pm.  We ate, played, walked around the lake, and at about 5:00 pm it was birthday cake time (yes, that was a full 2 hours after the "end" of the party).  It's winter here, so the sun goes down at about 5:45 pm.  I had driven the Fusca (VW Bug), and even though I had another passenger that was going back with me who knew Belo Horizonte like the back of her hand, I didn't feel so comfortable with driving in the dark in an unfamiliar neighborhood.  So at 5:15 I started telling my kids and fellow passengers that I would like to leave.  I knew that nobody was happy that I was leaving (the hosts, the other passenger and her daughter),  but I also knew that if I didn't do a little pushing, we weren't going to leave until 9 pm.  After 45 minutes, and making the rounds to say goodbye to everyone and their grandpa, we left.  And we made it back safe and sound.  And I was only mildly annoyed by the long, drawn out departure. 

That's how departures are in Brazil.  No one really wants to leave the party, the restaurant, the Sunday afternoon lunch.  So Brazilians linger, have one more saideira (that last drink before you leave), tell the kids you are really going to go in 5 minutes for the 7th time.   The hosts complain and say that you just got there (5 hours ago), and convince you into staying for another 2 hours.  This is one thing that I still have not learned to adapt to in Brazil.  I'm just so dang American.  When it's time to go, it's time to go.  I don't like to do this meandering, in between, hanging out thing.  And I especially don't like it when my kids make it harder for me to leave.  I have to confess that I've resorted on occasions to bribing my children, especially the youngest in regards to departure time.  "Beatrice, if you are a good girl when we leave I will give you candy."  Ug.  But I've realized that it's hardest for her.  She's American, because we are.  But she's celebrated more birthdays in Brazil than she has in the US.  She loves the prolonged despedida. 

For example, about 2 months ago I decided to pick her up from school and walk back home rather than drive.  Leaving school was no problem, and I told her that we were going to eat dinner at the padaria (bakery) on the way home.  A little special mommy/daughter time.  After we left the padaria, we saw her best friend from school.  Shrieking and jumping ensue.  Best friend's mom offers to give us a ride home (even though it was totally out of her way, and it would take longer to drive than to walk).  I politely decline but the best friends protest loudly so the mom convinces me to get in the car.  Ok.  She drives us home, and we were in the car a total of maybe 10 minutes.  I get out of the car, find my keys, and Beatrice tells me she has to say goodbye to her friend.  This involves a conversation, and Beatrice tries to make plans for a play date, and convince both mommies to let them play just a little bit.  I continue to try to get Bea out of the car, and finally after 5 minutes she gets out.  But then she won't let go of the car door, and she has to sing a song and tell a story and hug her friend again.  Finally I pry her from the door, and then the best friend is crying because she didn't get to say goodbye.  They roll down the window and Beatrice and best friend yell back and forth "goodbye!"  "good night!" until the car is a block away.  I proceed to pull my gray hair out as I drag my daughter to our apartment.

I felt so annoyed by this, but it wasn't until the birthday party that I realized that this is just the Brazilian part of Beatrice doing the normal Brazilian thing.  She isn't (always) trying to manipulate me, or be obnoxious, she's just doing what little kids do here when the love someone and they don't want them to leave or say goodbye.  It also made me realize that Brazilians must think I am SO rude and condescending.  What feels like a warm embrace and nice cheek kisses to say goodbye (which is much more that most Americans would do) must the coldest, rudest despedida that these Brazilians have ever encountered.  

And on that note, I'm going to end this post.  Coldly.  Abruptly.  :-)

...And how I've not become Brazilian

I  have changed.  And there are many things that I just haven't been able to do, and I'm not sure if I will ever really be able to accomplish.  I'm not saying that doing things of my list below "makes" someone Brazilian.  Nor am I saying that all Brazilians exhibit these kinds of behaviors.  But I speaking to my personal experience, and reflecting on situations when I realize that I do not "belong" here.  And with that, here's how I've not changed:

1.  I don't do my nails.  I would get pedicures in the states every once in a while, but I've never been a fingernail person.  I play guitar, I garden, I get my hands dirty.  I'm more of a person that sees my hands/fingers as a tool, and not a thing of beauty.  And I've been accused of having Fred Flinstone feet, and there isn't really much you can do to doll these stubby things up.

But I have to admit I was kind of excited before moving here about the idea of going to the local salon and getting pampered.  And then we moved here, and reality set in.  I realized that I'd have to hire someone to watch my kids so I could go and do that.  My husband offered one time, and I went and got a pedicure and a manicure.  And it hurt.  Really, REALLY bad!  They really dug into my cuticles and cleaned things up.  Ouch.  I know that many women believe that experiencing pain is just part of being beautiful, but I'm not one of them.

2.  I don't get things delivered.  I have never asked the bakery down the street (or our favorite bakery for that matter) to deliver bread.  I've never asked the grocery store or sacalão (fruit/veggie market) to deliver my order.  And I haven't even ordered pizza here (friends have come over and done it).  Part of it is that I'm cheap.  Part of it is that I (still) get nervous about making phone calls in Portuguese, especially those regarding specific instructions and time and money (numbers are hard).  And I think the biggest part of it is the American part of me that wants to do it myself and do it my way.  Or maybe that is just the Shelley party of me....

3.  I don't visit beauty salons nor have I had work done.  I have never had any of the following:  peeling, escova inteligente (I think this is the same things as a Brazilian blow out), laser, eyelash extensions, drenagem linfático (intense massage to rid your body of impurities), lightening, etcetera etcetera.  Getting pretty is big business in Brazil.  Heck, it's big business around the world.  But my informal survey of local business indicates that beauty salons and places to get beautified far outnumber bakeries.  Maybe that's why people in Brazil are thinner--there's more opportunity to get done up than to eat.

4.  I don't have my children's birthday parties at a "party place."  Renting a salão de festas will run you at least R$2000, and that's for a very basic party.  And in my experience, birthday parties at these kind of places really aren't about the kids.  They tend to be more about the parents and their ability to throw a great party.  It's kind of a status thing.  Because I'm not Brazilian, I just don't get how the status game works, and I know that even if I tried to pretend I was wealthy and had social graces oozing out of me it would come across as the "cold" American I am.  So we'll stick with sleep overs, family parties and snacks at school.

5.  I don't watch novelas (soap operas).  I'm not a big fan of TV.  I watch it because my husband likes it, but I can find many other things that I'd rather do.  I know that I'm missing out on a part of Brazilian culture, and an opportunity to practice my Portuguese.  But I just can't make myself do it.

6.  I don't know how to bargain.  I pay my fair share of the gringo tax.  We had dinner with some friends a few weeks back, and they were talking about just how good Mineira women are at bargaining.  She's married to an American, and she often will be at the store trying to buy something and she will send her husband away because she doesn't want to pay more because the American is in the room.  I sometimes will try, but even then I don't have the patience, finesse nor ability to form any kind of nuanced conversation ("me pay less, yes? This price too high, I find store there and it be less...").  I've just resigned myself to being taken advantage of.

7. I don't throw trash on the ground.  I carry around my candy wrappers, used kleenex, and I've walked blocks carrying an empty soda bottle until I find a trash can.  In our neighborhood, there are many "designated" places for trash (tree stumps, the base of a power pole, the little bit of grass that surrounds some plants).  But to me, it just looks like the ground.  I've caught my kids throwing trash on the ground, and I always make them go back and pick it up.  Just because everyone else is doing it doesn't mean that we are going to do it.

8.  I don't follow soccer.  I thought that when I lived here, I'd actually watch soccer games, and pay attention to what is happening with the number one sport in the whole entire world.  In our old apartment, I had the pleasure of hearing our neighbors have shouting matches before, during and after games (which I have learned take place on Wednesday and Sunday nights, and sometimes other days...).  But now I'm just oblivious.  I know who the two teams are in Belo Horizonte, and every once in a while I hear who has won or who is playing.  But for the most part, I'm absolutely clueless.  I still would like to go to a live soccer game someday, but there's this thing called the World Cup and there's this crazy situation with all the stadiums being built/remodeled...

9.  I don't let someone else do it.  A lot of Brazilian working moms take advantage of the opportunities that exist here to let someone else help you out.  It makes sense to me.  If you are working full time, how can you have time to go grocery shopping and cook for your family?  How do you have time to do all the laundry?  To help kids with their homework and take them to their school events?  Where's the time to take little João to soccer practice, and Maria Clara Julia to ballet class?  And also take care of yourself (see #1 and #3)?  Most women with the means hire help for the house, nannies, drivers to take their kids to school/music lessons, buy the kids snacks through the schools (that hire bakeries to make deliver healthy fried snacks, cookies and sugary juices....real healthy...) and eat out (or do #2).  I have a great job, that allows me to work mostly part-time, and work while  my kids are in school.  That means that I can be with them, go pick out my own fruit and vegetables at the store, cook for them, and make things like homemade cornbread, apple muffins and  bread for their school snacks.  And I wash their clothes myself.  And I want to do this.  I like it.  I think it's part of who I am (kind of earth mama, granola mommy) and it's that darn American guilt about having someone else do the work that I should be able to do because I should be able to do it all because I'm superwoman independence. 

10.  I don't do Brazilian clothes.  First of all, I'm cheap.  Secondly, I'm cheap.  And thirdly, I can stock up on good quality used and new clothes on trips to the US.  I've bought some clothes here, for myself and for my kids.  But I have such a hard time paying so much money, and for things that unfortunately don't last very long.  As a result, we don't look very Brazilian and we're not always very fashionable.  But then again, Brazilian fashion is different.  I will say that I've become a little bolder in my tastes since moving here, but I still don't think I can pull of heels, blouses with only one sleeve, jumpsuits, and backless shirts. 

The downside of living in an older building

We have a nice apartment.  It has a nice "area privativa," what we also call our patio.  It is on a VERY quiet street, and we don't have construction or traffic noise to deal with.  It's close to many bus lines, to some nice restaurants (not that we go out that much) and a very nice bakery.  Our neighbors are usually quiet, and the sindica (building super) is very helpful.  And the owner of our apartment lives upstairs, which has been very, VERY helpful.




And the building is 40 years old.  When we were looking for apartments, I remember several people telling us to avoid renting older apartments.  In many people's opinion, anything older that 10 years is considered old.  In the US, older buildings can be charming, quaint, with lots of retro chic details.  And I think that those kind of places exist in Belo Horizonte, but the challenge is that unfortunately most rentals have not been well maintained.  I think there are many reasons for this.  First of all the imobiliárias (the property management companies) really only want to take your money.  In my opinion (biased, and very uninformed I'll admit), the imobiliárias exist to serve the interests of the owners, and renters have fewer rights.  And the rights that we renters have, have to be fought for.  You have to work your tail off to get things fixed.  You have to jump through lots and lots of hoops to have documents corrected and updated and notarized.  The imobiliárias are not here to help us renters out.  And that means they do everything possible to avoid fixing problems.   




Secondly, I think that renters in Brazil don't take care of the problems either.  Renter are already paying lots for rent, condominium fee (the fee for maintaining the building and public areas, which also pays for doormen, cleaning, elevator, the pool if the building has one and so on), and taxes (yes, renters have the pay the owner's taxes).  Renters also will want to paint when they move in (the previous renters used the cheapest quality paint when they left), but of course you have to paint when you leave because the walls have to look the same when you leave.  So why would a renter really want to take care of the place?  If you are already feeling taken advantage of, why bother keeping things up?  If you already know that when you leave you will have to pay out the nose for things that were broken YEARS before you moved in (and the imobiliária and owners will just pocket the money and not fix things), what the point?






We decided to politely disregard the advice that was given to us, and we decided to rent our current apartment.  Like I said, there are many great things about it.  And yet my list of problems to take care of seems to grow week by week.  Right now, and for the past 2 months, one of the problems has been our "extra" bathroom, referred to as the "service" bathroom.  It's the small bathroom next to the maid's room (yes, think The Help.  But we use the maid's room as my husbands office, so hopefully the beautiful music he makes there redeems any injustices committed...).  We found out while we were in the states that the pipes in that bathroom had rusted and they were leaking into the downstairs neighbor's apartment.  Within a week of returning, we had a bombeiro (plumber!  not fireman!) come and rip everything out and change the pipes.  Wow!  It was so quick it left our heads practically spinning!  But that's what you get when a grouchy Brazilian grandma neighbor is fed up with water coming into her home.  And then we waited for the pedreiro (mason, tile guy).  And we waited.  And waited.  The owner of the apartment wanted to make sure that she had a trustworthy guy that would do a good job.  And it's really hard to find those kind of people right now because of the HUGE construction boom in the city.  But finally after about a month, she found a pedreiro.  And after 2 weeks, he got the tile down, and the toilet back in.  Hooray!






Not so fast.  While all this was happening, a problem was growing in our other bathroom.  The sink had been leaking, and someone did a very crappy job attempting to repair a leak in the shower.  Water had infiltrated the floor, and was damaging the wall in the hallway.  Great.  So now that the service bathroom is repaired, we are going to have to repair the main bathroom.  But the problem is that there isn't a functioning shower in the service bathroom.  So starting tomorrow, I don't know how we are going to shower for the next week.  Fun times.




I am thankful that we have bathrooms.  I'm thankful that we have a roof over our heads.  It really could be a lot worse.   But when you are already daily dealing with language/culture challenges, it gets pretty tiring to have to come home to a place that is constantly leaking, breaking, getting repaired, getting broken again, smelling funny (mold!?), or being eaten by termites.


So if you are in the market for an apartment in Belo Horizonte, beware of the older buildings.  They are cheaper, but are they worth it?  And if you are in our neighborhood this week, and smell something stinky, it's probably just our family...

2 Years Ago Today

Today marks the 2 year anniversary of our (me and the kids) arrival in Brazil.  It's hard to believe it's been 2 years already.  I remember how hot it was that day, and how green everything was.  I remember dragging Beatrice past the security guard to deposit her in Daddy's arms, and then how I ignored the same security guard who told me I couldn't go back in to get my luggage.  I remember how amazed I was by our friends Marcio and Luiza and their family; they were so generous and hospitable, giving up beds and space in their tiny apartment.  I remember crying when I saw that all our luggage and totes had actually made it.  I remember the noise, the horns, the people talking in a language that I couldn't understand at all.  I remember thinking that the city was alive with sounds, people, music and energy.  And I remember that I was totally overwhelmed. 

I think that living an expat life requires a certain kind of "crazy."  Being an expat is not for everyone.  I love it, but I recognize that not everyone can do what we are doing.  Living this way demands flexibility, the ability to accept the unknown, to hold two opposing truths together simultaneously, and a huge amount of patience.  And perseverance.  The past two years have been full of learning, growing, and doing things that I never thought I'd really be able to do.  This experience has changed me, and changed our family. 

We moved from the desert to the cerrado (pronounced seh-rah-du, meaning tropical savanna).  There were many wonderful things about living in Arizona, and it was a hard, hot, dry place.  I'd like to think that our move has been metaphorical; that we had been in a harsh, difficult climate.  And now we are dwelling in a flourishing, abundant and fertile place, growing and becoming better people.

Neighbors

A few weeks ago, I was doing some baking, and I had the pleasure of hearing my downstairs neighbor talking on the phone.  Very loudly.  For over an hour.  At 10 pm at night.  As I was overhearing her stories about jelly, doctor's appointments and many, many other things, I got to thinking about neighbors (and I remembered Danielle's post ).  Getting to enjoy all the idiosyncrasies of your neighbors is not an experience unique to Brazil.  The thing that I find unique is that most Brazilians living in cities live in apartments, which are surrounded by other apartments and other apartment buildings full of other people.  We live in very close proximity to people, so we get to know all their odd behaviors and hear their weird noises and arguments.  I'm sure that the crazy American family with the cellist and screaming children offers lots of fodder for conversation for our neighbors.  And we have had the opportunity to enjoy some of the following:

-Papa Bear.  In our old apartment, we had a good view into the neighboring apartment building's kitchen windows.  We were on the 4th floor, and we had a very good view into the neighbor's 3rd floor apartment.  There was a nice family of 4, and we liked to call the father Papa Bear.  Why?  Well, Papa Bear was quite a fuzzy wuzzy kind of guy, and was a little on the stocky side (not fat, just broad).  And Papa Bear enjoyed the comfort of his own home by usually walking around without a shirt on.  So, we had the privilege of seeing Papa Bear do all sorts of domestic activities without his shirt.  For Brazilian standards, he was quite helpful around the house (he did dishes, sometimes laundry, fed the kids, cooked pasta).  There were a few occasions when he would walk around in his underwear--yikes! 

A few weeks before we moved out, Bea's friend Julia (from our old apartment building) had a birthday party.  It was a big birthday party, held in the salão das festas (party room) of our building, but complete with bouncy toys, lots of food, and lots of beer.  Beer is the way the adults survive the birthday parties here.  We were sitting at a table with some other neighbors, enjoying our salgados and beer, the kids were running around in a sugar high mania, and I suddenly saw someone very familiar.  I felt like I really knew this person, I'd talked with them before, someone I saw on a regular basis.  Our eyes met, and I could tell that he didn't know me at all.  And then I saw his kids and his wife, and I almost yelled it.  "Papa Bear!"  I hadn't initially recognized him because he had his shirt on.  I thought about introducing myself and striking up a conversation, but I just couldn't get over the awkwardness of it. 

-Farmer blows/hocking loogies/excessive nose blowing.  Someone in our new apartment building must have a SERIOUS congestion problem.  Or maybe it's allergies, and they live with a cat or dog that makes it worse.  Because we hear them clearing out their nasal passages MANY TIMES A DAY.  And it's not a gentle little blow into a tissue.  It's a full on honking, coughing up mucus, disgusting, farmer blow.  It sounds like this:

-The Smoker.  Our downstairs neighbor is always so nice when we see her.  She ogles over the children, asks us if we like Brazil, and is so friendly.  And she smokes.  I'm not opposed to smokers, I have friends who smoke.  It's not a bad thing in and of itself.  But our neighbor likes to smoke in her courtyard, which is at the bottom of the building, underneath everyone's laundry areas and kitchens.  And because she's at the bottom, the smoke rises up and comes into everyone else's apartment and makes our apartments smell like smoke, including the drying laundry.  Not very nice.  Our sindica (the person in the building who helps resolve problems) came over one day, and I said something to her about, and the sindica said she's lived there forever, and she's always done it.  Now, the American in me thought that I should just go downstairs and politely ask her to stop smoking in her courtyard.  But this is Minas Gerais, and people don't do the direct confrontation here.  So, my husband came up with another idea.  We decided that every time she smoked in the courtyard, we would talk about the smell, the danger of smoking, the risk that second hand smoke poses to our children, and about the importance of being polite and thinking about others.  So passive-aggressive, yet so effective!  She doesn't really smoke there anymore!  And yet she's still polite to us!  So strange, but it got the job done. 

The thing that amazed me about this situation is that our other neighbors have been suffering and quietly complaining to each other for years about the smoke, and yet they never did anything.  I think that is what happens far too often here.  There are problems.  People don't like the problems.  They want something different.  But for whatever reason, they feel helpless or unable to solve them (because of past experience, because it's far too often the reality).  So they just learn to live.  They suffer through the stink, and resign themselves to living with second hand smoke.  I feel like a lot more could be written about this phenomena.  But I've got to go bother my neighbors...

an example of what it is like to drive here

The other day I was returning home from the store, and I had a driving experience that is very common.  I want to start out by saying that I'm not amazed by the kind of bad driving that I encountered, but by the fact that it didn't phase me.  I didn't honk.  I didn't get mad.  I didn't yell, or even talk to myself.  There is a kind of dance, an elaborate choreography that goes on in the streets of Belo Horizonte, and I think that I've finally joined in.  In a way, it's kind of beautiful.  It is quite amazing there aren't more accidents, but if you consider the movements (and don't think about the size and weight of the participants), it's almost artistic.  Let me illustrate:

 

There are actually more streets at the intersection (gotta love the 7 way intersections), but my drawing abilities are not so keen.  So I'm keeping it simple. 

Now, here are three cars stopped at the stop light at the intersection.  The blue oval in the middle is me, in my Fusca (VW Bug).  

We're sitting at the light, and here's what everyone is thinking about doing:

You see the problem.  I tried to recreate this on a video with my children to post, but my children kept crashing their Hot Wheels cars and cracking up.  But in real life, it is something to behold.

The light changes to green, and then the beauty starts.  The yellow van in the far left lane decides to make a right turn onto the Contorno (in front of me).  But at the same time, the light blue truck is making a left turn from the far right lane.  But light blue truck has already anticipated this, and starting driving before the light turned green. 

I'm pretty proud of my driving abilities.  But I'm a little nervous for our trip to the US.  We're leaving in 2 weeks for a 7 week visit, which will involve plenty of driving.  I'll just have to remember how to drive like an American, and be a little less aggressive.

My thoughts on grocery shopping

When we lived in the states, I did most of the grocery shopping.  I honestly really liked it.  I was one of those crazy coupon ladies, stock piling coupons, matching them with sales and promotions. It gave me this strange kind of thrill to come home from the grocery store with 4 boxes of cereal, a box of Capri Sun "drinks," and 2 boxes of fruit snacks for $4.  I think I saved the receipt on that one for a while.   That was a good deal.

I continued doing the grocery shopping when we moved to Brazil.  Except it made me SO grouchy.   First of all, it was expensive.   There are no coupons here.   And the stores advertise "ofertas" which usually mean that the regular price is R$5,99 and now it's on sale for R$5,79.  The price of food has gone up a lot, even just in the past year.  I don't like spending so much on groceries.  I'm really lucky if I can make it out of the store and only pay R$150.   And then of course, back then we didn't have a car.  I liked to stock up when going grocery shopping, and it was not fun to come back from the store lugging groceries for a week for a family of five in one of those little wheely carts. Uphill.  I have fond memories of sweating profusely, trying to avoid the dog poop on broken sidewalk or navigating the lack of sidewalk, a bag of milk breaking open and leaving a trail all the way up Rua do Ouro, and the stares from all our friendly neighbors, who were wondering if I knew that delivery existed, or that I could send my empregada/house keeper to do the shopping.  Ah, memories.

My husband got tired of all my whining, and finally offered to take over the chore of grocery shopping.  It has been a gift.  Thank you dear husband.  And he frequently comes home perplexed by the many challenges of grocery shopping in Brazil.  The most recent confounding situation is the fact that the stores will be out of staples for weeks at a time.  I have encountered this too.   I go to buy cornflakes, and they are out.   I go back a week later, still no cornflakes.  Now granted, cornflakes are not a part of most Brazilians diet, but you can pretty much find them at all the bakeries, the drugstores, and the fruit/vegetable stores.  Other times we've not been able to find tonic water, Cera incolor (the wax we use on our floors, makes them actually look clean), and vinegar.  My friend Corinne said she went to the store one time and they were out of sugar.  Hmmm…

The other strange that happens is that we find a brand of a certain product that we like, we get used to buying it, we enjoy it.   And then one day, it's gone.    We found some granola that we really liked, and about 2 months ago, it disappeared.  This has led us to do some odd hoarding.  When we find Rap 10 (something somewhat like a tortilla) we buy several packages and freeze them, even though we have a TINY freezer.  It’s usually got some Rap 10.  If I Dorito's Dippas (corn chips), I buy a bunch of bags.  Because of the odd nature of supply here, it's quite possible that I will have a hard time finding these products again.

But the whole reason I started this post was because my husband went to the store to pick up a few things today.   He actually came home with everything on his list (milk, fresh milk for yogurt, cilantro, eggs, popcorn, frozen French fries, granola, and 2 cans of tonic water), and it only cost him R$30.   Needless to say, he was very happy.  And it's such an unusual occurrence that I thought it deserved it's very own blog post. 

Now I'm off for a very American night.  I'm cooking the last box of Macaroni and Cheese that my sister brought for us back in July, make some Roasted Salsa to go with our Dippas, and then watch a movie with the family (did I mention that you can now get Netflix in Brazil? It's amazing).  Happy Saturday night to you!

Motion detecting lights

The very first day I set foot into Brazil was a tad bit overwhelming.  I remember trying to take in the city, the traffic.  I remember reading the signs, the heaviness of the humidity, and trying to make sense of everything I was encountering.  Our friends Marcio and Luiza hosted us at their apartment, because the hotel room provided by the Filarmonica was pretty small and only had 3 beds.  They drove us to their building, and when the garage opened, it was dark.  But as the car entered, all the lights clicked on.  Then we went up the elevator, and when we got out at their floor, it was dark.  I remember thinking it was so odd, but then all of the sudden the lights clicked on.  My husband had to explain the motion sensors on the lights.  And now a little Google researching, I've learned a little about why there are just so many motion sensors here.


In 2001, there was a very bad drought in Brazil.  Brazil at that time got 90% of it's electricity from dams.  The drought and the increasing demand for electricity caused HUGE problems, and government stepped in with a campaign to conserve energy.  Gas stations were closed at night, lights were turned off in some neighborhoods, some night time concerts and sports events were cancelled, and electricity was rationed.  Those individuals who reduced their energy usage by 20% were given a cash bonus, and companies that significantly reduced energy consumption were able to sell their savings to other businesses.  So, there was a lot of motivation to find ways to save energy.  Hence, motion sensor lights became the norm. 
I think it is brilliant (ha ha).  Or as a fellow blogger says, "Brazilliant."